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Monday, May 13, 2019

Sassy's Revisited

Ten years ago I checked out the fry offerings of this joint in Fayetteville.  Went back recently to check for any changes.  The patio is pretty sweet when the weather is nice.  I recommend it as the interior can seem claustrophobical.  Irish nachos with waffle fries as the base and pulled pork?  Yes please.  I should note that on Sundays you can get a $10 bottle of champagne with a carafe of OJ or cranberry juice (yuck) and pour your own mimosas.  Much better deal than the $2.50 single mimosas IMO.

Boom!

Solid execution of the American doctrine of excess!

The pulled pork is awesome and the waffle fries are perfect.

I got to this point and said to myself "I should stop eating now.  I can take these home for later."

So much good.  10 out of 10.  DO IT ON A SUNDAY.

P.S. I ate the whole damn thing.  I was so embarrassed. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

The Holler

Bentonville AR has kinda finally become like a real place you can hang out (see here).  It's only taken 146 years for that to happen, but whatever.  And what happens when a town finally becomes "cool"?  Exactly.  You need to have a dedicated indoor shuffleboard court joint that is part of a much larger farmer's market/deli/shared workspace/brewery/coffee shop/clothing store/juice bar/restaurant...oh let's cut the crap it's a hipster mall called 8th Street Market.

The place is what a hipster designed casino would look like.  Visually noisy and confusing.  I guess that's what young people like.

There was a group having a party there with some snackies.  Think they'll mind if I snag a few?

I was there for a bachelor party kinda thing but it was on a Thursday night so I couldn't get crazy but they had REALLY good beers on tap.  I had a Pseudo Sue by Toppling Goliath -good!
There's the shuffleboards.  Meh.

About 10 minutes in I noticed they had fries so here we go.  Obviously jumping on the retail trend of self checkouts, this joint makes you order your own stuff on a computer touchscreen.  I got the "Holler Style Fries" and an order of regular ones.

And here's what we got.  Oh I see.  Large orders come on a "larger" pan and regular/small orders come on a pan made for a baby.

I chose no onions on the Holler Style ones so I guess they got nervous and put the scallions on the side.  Heh.

The Holler Style ones were okay.  Not amazing.

The regular ones were much stronger.  Funny how some places never seem to get that just throwing a bunch of crap on your fries won't necessarily make them better.

I say no to the Holler Style Fries.

And yes to the regular ones.

And if you are a professional shuffleboard player I guess I can suggest this place.

Friday, April 19, 2019

For the Love of Pete JUST STOP!

I feel like the fast food corporate idea monsters are seeing my posts and creating more of these terrible things just to torture me at this point.  The latest abomination comes once again courtesy of the BK Lounge-Bacon Cheesy Tots.  This is what BK says they look like:

These boxes give me nightmares now.

Oh I see.  Little chunks of the stuff you use to batter the chicken nuggets.

Except you put a microscopic amount of the shredded cheese and bacon bits that fell off the prep counter onto the floor that have been swept up.

Even if these were made better, I can't see a fair amount of anything inside these.  You would be better off eating the two dollar bills that these cost.

Tastes like depression.

DO NOT DO.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Daytona Beach Revisited II

I've pretty much eaten fries at every place in Daytona Beach at this point, but I was able to create some newish experiences on this last trip.   I have been to Hidden Treasure Rum Bar & Grill several times and I have no idea why I have never done the fries there.  I was sure that I had but apparently not.  I was so sure I had done a review there that I didn't take that many pictures so all you get is this:

Good fries, okay amount, and the prices was decent considering you are sitting on the water.  I got kinda bored and decided to the leftover appetizers to create a unique new menu item for the joint.  I used the bread bowl from the buffalo chicken dip, some boneless wings, and the leftover fries to create what I call THE TODDLER'S DREAM.  I am a genius.  The waitress was not impressed.

Next we revisited the Daytona Taproom.  Still amazing.  This place is a must go if you are ever in DYB.  Sorry the picture is blurry.  I was shaking with excitement.

The burger I got was DEEP FRIED.  Unbelievable.

Still DO IT.

My parents wanted to take us to a fancy schmancy joint one night so off we went to the Chart House.  Heh.  Sounds like Shart House.  It's a chain, but fancy.

This place is part of a big marina with lotsa boats so the decor is nautical.  Kinda looks like a cruise ship dining room.

The place reeked of rope.  The manager told me that indeed they had just replaced all the rope the week before.  Lucky us.

Whoa...fancy!

My folks like this place on accounta its got a huge salad bar which also has caviar.  I tried it.  It was ok.  Got me thinkin there are probably caviar fries somewhere (probably Russia).  Gross.

Chachie ate A CRAPLOAD of caviar while drinking a pina colada like a boss.  He said the pina coladas there were good and I think he drank three.

I got fish and chips, cause I didn't want to seem unfancy and order a side order.  They gave me a ton of fries though.  The picture doesn't really do the amount justice.

Frozen, but cooked perfectly and attended to nicely with garlic, parsley, and a smidgen of clarified butter.  Nice.

$22 for the salad bar and the fish and chips.  I'd say worth it overall.  Plus it was only 900 calories so I probably lost 2 or 3 pounds while we were there!


Thursday, April 11, 2019

Grunion vs. BK Funnel Cake Fries

The Grunion has eyes like an eagle and the memory of an elephant savant.  He was seeing signs all the way to Daytona Beach advertising Burger King's newest failure - Funnel Cake Fries.  Normally I wouldn't even bother with this kind of nonsense (not potato-based) but the Grunion was relentless.  I told him in the car that he could try them "at some point when we got to DYB".  He remembered I said that like 6 days later.

So here is the box. 

And here are the disgusting contents.

GRUNION:  "Okay so they're kinda squishy"

GRUNION:  "They're kinda like french toast or something."

GRUNION:  "Smells funny.  Maybe they have honey on them or something?"

GRUNION:  "I guess they're not that good.  But I'll eat them all anyway.

GRUNION:  "Dad?"

GIBBY:  "Yes?"
GRUNION:  "When's dinner?"

BK Funnel Cake Fries = DON'T DO IT

Monday, April 1, 2019

Taco Bell Rattlesnake Fries

*Sigh.

Here we go again.  So far the fast food fancy fries offerings have been dismal, and I can't help but think in the case of Taco Bell the reason we keep seeing new "specialty" fry offerings is because some long-since fired employee at Taco Bell corporate ordered 50 million metric tons of fries a few years ago and now they need to get rid of them.

The latest ones are called "Rattlesnake Steak Fries".  Here's what the TB website shows they are supposed to look like.

Kind of a crappy picture, but what do they care.  They're just trying to get rid of them.  For some reason I got a CVS-sized receipt when I ordered them.  Seriously....it was as long as my arm.  Spork for scale.

So here's what they look like in real life.  $3.34 for this.  Unbelievable.

Remember the spork from before?  TB only has these stupid spork things so trying to get a decent stab was pointless.  And I wasn't about to expose my hand skin to those chemicals.

The steak was surprisingly tender, which I suspect is the result of sitting in tepid dishwater for 18-20 hours prior to being tossed onto this mess. 

The cheese sauce is the sauce they use on the tacos, etc. which means it's basically can cheese.

And the fries are...well...you already know.  Soggy, stupid, and depressed.  Also 1 or 2 of them were orange.  Why?

This is another epic fail.  What an embarrassment.  DO NOT DO THIS.

P.S. Wilson Phillips was playing the whole time I was there which is always depressing.  It wasn't even one of their good albums.

Monday, February 4, 2019

McDonald's Cheesy Bacon Fries

Every once in a while the chain burger joints get restless and try stupid things with their fries.  My guess is that since Taco Bell reissued their nacho abominations recently the execs at McDs were like "quick...think of something fry-related we can torture the public with!".

The result is this.

Regular McDonald's french fries slathered with Costco can nacho sauce and bits of bacon that fell through the slots on the breakfast sandwich making table.  Disgusting.

Great job McDonald's "chefs".  You took something good and made it disgusting.

DO NOT EAT THESE.

P.S.  I ordered one order of these and they "accidentally" put two orders in my bag.  I ate two bites of one and threw the rest away.  I THREW FRIES AWAY!