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Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Grunion and Z vs. Zombies

While flipping through channels, The Grunion and Z stumble upon a zombie movie....

Z:  Dude,  what's with those people? They're all.....Mmmmmmmm!  Brains!

GRUNION: Zombies, man.  The undead.  They come from the grave to eat your brains.

Z:  Are they real?
GRUNION:  Yup.  As real as Santa Claus.

Z:  What was that?  What was that sound?  Are there zombies up in here?

GRUNION:  Naw, it was probably my tummy making noise from all that Kix.  Look!  My tummy looks like Gibby's!

Z:  Man, I'm positive I heard some zombies.  I don't wanna let them eat my brains-they're not even full of good stuff yet!

GRUNION:  Ahhhh!  Look out!  Zombies crawlin in from the floor!  Hurry!  Get up on the couch where we'll be safe!

Z:  Ahhhh!  Help me up! I'm not as tall as you are!

GRUNION:  Dude, I totally saved your life.  You owe me so big.

TELEVISION:  Today's sci-fi zombie feature will return after these commercial messages.
Z:  There's no such thing as zombies, are there?

GRUNION:  Nope.  But you totally still owe me.

Victory:  Zombies/Grunion

Senior Fry-Spy Outed!

As a result of a recent FOI Act request (and subsequent legal battle) the identity of my fry-spy known previously only as "Agent 4212343528348ghZ" has been publicly identified as JoDonn. Although the outing of his identity to the public will undoubtedly affect his ability to operate safely, he continues to gather intelligence. What follows is the harrowing (and lengthy) account of fry-spy JoDonn's recent westward exploration.

Been doing a little travel to review some stuff lately. I didn't want to travel, but I felt it was my duty since Gibby's been trying to get attention by attempting to remove his fingers. Anyway, we flew into LAX the other day and got attacked by papparazzi at the baggage carousel.  Actually they were there for Kristen Bell. She caught the flight from DFW with us to LA and was mobbed when she got off the plane. I was obliviously standing next to her the whole time so I'm probably in a few photos.  Gibby's note:  This kind of irresponsible and reckless disregard for security is probably how his identity became compromised in the first place.

Anyhoo, we were of course starved and I picked Pinks hot dogs.

There was a really long line (as usual) and it was pretty stinking hot that day but it was worth it.

This place is just as famous for its guests as it is for its hot dogs. Many of the dogs are named after famous people.  Like The Ozzy Spicy Dog!

There are signed autographs of all kinds of stars on the walls. I even found one of Gibby's all-time favorite artist-Lionel Ritchie! Gibby's note:  In fact, my favorite artist of all time is Uriah Heep.

I had a bacon chili cheese dog AND the pastrami reuben dog. Both were a solid 9.

I knew I couldn't eat anything else, but out of respect for the Gibster I got an order of the nacho chili cheese fries. This thing must have weighed 4lbs. It was massive! Again, a 9 (if only for the experience).

Pinks isn't the greatest dog I've ever had, but it may seem that way to a lot of the people who go there because THERE'S A MEDICAL MARIJUANA CLINIC LIKE 10 FEET FROM IT!.

Our next stop was Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.

I had the #9, which was two breasts and two waffles.

This was more than enough food for one guy, but I went ahead and pushed it with the fry special they had going- a MOUNTAIN of chili cheese fries "as a side". Little did I know that this was a meal for about 6.

The chicken was a 9 and the waffles and fries were 10's.Our server Jackye seemed friendly, but we suspected that she suspected that we were with a secret fry-rating organization.

Our suspicions were confirmed because before long, we began getting surrounded by fry-spy counter intelligence agents.  We threw a stun grenade and boarded the emergency dust-off helicopter on the roof to the airfield, narrowly making it to our spy jet before we were compromised. 

We flew across country to my favorite hotdog joint of all time-Curtis' Famous Weiners in Cumberland, MD. 

I first gathered intelligence on this place when I was four years old. Anytime I'm in MD I stop in to make sure they're still fighting communism with great chili dogs and chocolate milk. I know that I will probably be flogged with leftover linguine for it,  but I did not order the fries. I apologize, but you don't go to Coney Island for fries, you go there for dogs and chocolate milk. Gibby's note:  JoDonn was indeed flogged with leftover linguine for his insolence.

As usual, I started out with two dogs "all the way" with a chocolate milk.  Also as usual, I ordered two more dogs "for the road".

All the way dogs consist of a brown mustard, a top-secret recipe homemade chili (referred to as "sauce" by the natives), and some of the most bitter diced onions you will ever taste.  All on a steamed bun with a small wiener.  Heh heh.  Small wiener.  This place gets as high a 10 as Gibby will allow.  Gibby's note:  Insolent non-fry ordering agents are not allowed to bestow 10s.  JoDonn will be flogged again.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dickey's Barbecue Pit

Dickey's Barbecue Pit is a relatively new joint in Lowell where the Starbucks used to be located.  As you walk in, you can still hear the coffee ghosts screaming.....

VERY chainy atmosphere.  Boo.

I was actually surprised that they had fries since most barbecue places don't.  What is with that anyway?  Are barbecue people too good for fries?  You eat both with your hands....

$1.50 for 9 actual waffle fries and some crumbs.  They were totally meh except for the pre-mixed spice blend that was poured on em (and not even enough of it).  $1.50 is cheap, but still too much for so few meh waffle fries.

4 out of.........wait a minute.....what's this?  FREE gigantic pickles?

And FREE ICE CREAM?  Sure it's vanilla, but it's free.

Okay, the fries suck but you could eat the fries, a bunch of free pickles and some free ice cream for $1.50.  That warrants a 7 out of 10.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Ron's Hamburgers (and Chili)

Ron's is an institution.  I know this cause every time I mention Ron's, someone always says, "man, that place is an institution."

Maybe what those people mean is that Ron's LOOKS like an institution.  It certainly bears a striking resemblance to my junior high's cafeteria.

Ron's claim to fame is the sausage-mixed-with-beef burger.  This is what it looks like.  It was meh.  Kind of shocking since I have gotten it in the past and it has been good.

As for the fries, well, here we go again with the fantastic claims about the size of the orders.  Bob and I decided to split a "large" order of fries based on the waitress's proclamation that "it was big enough for 4 people" and "we probably wouldn't be able to finish them all."  Right.  Here is what we got for $3.25:

Once again, tricked by a carnival sideshow barker turned waitress.  This wouldn't even be enough fries for the Grunion.  And in case you're wondering, yes, they were slimy.  And cold.  Boo.  4 out of 10.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Fun with Yard Work

Chachie came over to the house to do some yard work this past weekend cause he misses it on accounta he lives in an apartment.  I decided to help him.

GIBBY:  Hey Chachie!  I can work this shrub cutter thingy!  I can help you cut the shrubs!

CHACHIE:  Ummmmm.  You better just put that down, Gibby.  You know how you are with tools...

EVIL HEDGE TRIMMER:  Grrrrrrr!  I'm thirsty for fatty blood!
GIBBY:  Ahhhhh!

10 minutes later....
DOCTOR AT E.R.:'re not the outdoorsy type are you?

8 stitches later.  Notice I changed my shirt to "look nice" at the hospital.

Back at home, over a glass of my "medicine" I decide that it may be time to retire from "the yard game."

Victory:  Hedge Trimmers