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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Robby Benson is Awesome

The other night I was wondering what Robby Benson had been doing lately.  Amy is used to my weirdness, so she rolled her eyes and checked out RB's IMDB file.

Her response to perusing his file?  Holy crap!  RB has been doing ALL KINDS of stuff since he starred in one of my favorite movies from 1977 (the still-relevant One on One).  In fact, he's been crazy busy!  In addition to acting in a ton of stuff, he's directed episodes of Evening Shade, Ellen, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Friends, and a bunch more actual hit shows.  I now officially like Robby Benson again.

Except for his current weirdo look.

And the fact that he starred in Ice Castles...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My Favorite Restaurants in America

I know that you know that I know that you know that I love fries.  And fries ARE great.  But even I can't eat fries for every meal.  Here is my list of my favorite restaurants in America for your amusement.

A & B Lobster House in Key West, Florida
I think that seafood from warm waters is crap.  Seriously.  Seafood that lives in cold water is WAY better, but if you get caught south of Maryland (and Key West is about as South as you can get) this is definitely the best joint for seafood.  It's located on the main marina, and at night all the sailboat lights and candles create a very serene atmosphere that calms you like valium.

Amy and I sat at this table.

It's expensive as hell, but it is totally worth it cause the food rocks and sitting there looking out over the marina and the ocean beyond makes you feel like a bajillionaire without a care in the world.  This is where I want to eat right before I die.

La Huerta in Fayetteville, Arkansas (no website, naturally)
I have a funny history with this joint.  When it first opened, I went there with a group of friends and although I was impressed with the $2.39 QUART OF BEER, I was angered by the addition of onions, peppers, tomatoes, and various other gross stuff to my chicken nachos.  As was my custom at the time, I vowed to never return.  And I didn't for about 2 years.  I was convinced by someone to go there again (probably Paul) and spent an inordinate amount of time explaining to the waiter that I wanted fajita chicken and cheese on chips ONLY.  The resulting dish was so good I have been going there regularly ever since.

Another funny thing about La Huerta in little old Fayetteville is that our big-time friends that travel all over the world (including to Mexico) claim that La Huerta is the best Mexican food in the world.  Who woulda thunk it?

Champlin's Seafood Restaurant in Galilee, Rhode Island
I didn't eat much seafood growing up.  I guess that's why I want it so bad now.  Champlin's is located right on the harbor in the fishing port of Galilee.  The lobster boats literally pull up to Champlin's dock and throw boxes of fresh lobster right through the door to the kitchen.  It's surreal.  Eating your lobster looking out over the breakwater and watching the fishing boats come in (or go out) is sublime.  The local accent adds humor to the whole experience as well.  "You wanna shell cracka with youwa lobsta?"

Vino's Brewpub in Little Rock, Arkansas
This place packs a one-two punch by having not only some pretty decent on-site brewed beers, but also THE BEST PIZZA ON THE PLANET.  I have eaten A LOT of pizza, and Vino's is still the best.  Go there.  Eat it.  Drink it.

I'll add more restaurants to this as I find them.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

7 Reasons Why D.C. Cab is Awesome

From time to time I break with the tradition of reporting on fries to offer you advice for living.  Get out your pad and pencil, kiddos cause this is one of those times. 

D.C. Cab was a film that I remember seeing in the theater.  It was heavily promoted, and I remember not technically being old enough to see it (cause it was rated R), but no one cared back then.  D.C. Cab is a terrible movie.  The plot is totally stupid, Irene Cara sings most of the soundtrack (and makes a cameo), and at least 80% of the dialogue makes no sense whatsoever.  Seriously, it's like they just let each of the actors ad lib the entire thing.  Typical 80's schlock.  That's why it's awesome.

You see children, they don't make movies like this anymore.  Movies that you saw with your friends that you didn't have to think about, be quiet during, or be "messagized" by.  Like I said, they just don't make movies like that anymore.  Here are the 7 specific reasons D.C. Cab rocks:

7. Detective Wojo from Barney Miller is in it.  Talk about a death rattle.  This guy was on Barney Miller from 1975-1982 and this was the first movie he was asked to make after the show ended.  Tragic.

6.  Gary Busey is in it-and he was crazy even back then.  A sample line by Gary's character: Bruce Lee ain't dead you know. They got him frozen in carbonite down under Chatsworth. They're gonna melt him down as soon as the economy gets better.  Bing-Bong!  Crazy!

5.  It was made in 1983, which was an awesome year cause Tokyo Disneyland opened, India won the cricket world cup, Reagan announced that GPS would become available for civilian use, Kiss appeared without makeup for the first time, The Red Hot Chili Peppers released their first album, we invaded Grenada, McDonald's introduced the McNugget, and the migration of the ARPANET to TCP/IP was officially completed (no idea).

4.  Mr. T is in it.  Hilariously showing how "in touch" Hollywood writers are, Mr. T's character convinces kids to stay away from a pimp/drug dealer by showing up IN A MUCH FLASHIER CAR.  Nice.  And realistic. 

3. A super-young Bill Maher is in it-AND he plays an activist!  He only has like 3 lines, but in the opening minutes he is shown protesting at the white house. Foreshadowing?

2.  The guy from My Bodyguard is in it (also an awesome movie).  Adam Baldwin (that's his name-no relation to the other Hollywood Baldwins) also went on to star as "Animal Mother" in Full Metal Jacket.  Ouch!

1.  I said, Mr. T is in it, fool!

Oh and by the way, Joel Schumacher directed it.  He also directed two of the Batman movies, St. Elmo's Fire, The Lost Boys, Falling Down, and A Time to Kill.   A little schizophrenic, no?

D.C. Cab-Find it.  Rent it.  Love it.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Z Has a Flashback

GRUNION:  What's up, Z?  Came over for a swimeroo in your big water thing.
Z:  Call me Ishmael, Starbuck.
GRUNION:  Mmmmkay.

Z:  At last the anchor was up, the sails were set, and off we glided. It was a sharp, cold Christmas; and as the short northern day merged into night, we found ourselves almost broad upon the wintry ocean, whose freezing spray cased us in ice, as in polished armor.

Z:  They think me mad--Starbuck does; but I'm demoniac, I am madness maddened! That wild madness that's only calm to comprehend itself!
GRUNION:  Maybe you've had too much sun, dude.  You better sit down in the shade.

GRUNION:  I'm gonna jump in the water!

Z:  However baby man may brag of his science and skill, and however much, in a flattering future, that science and skill may augment; yet for ever and for ever, to the crack of doom, the sea will insult and murder him, and pulverize the stateliest, stiffest frigate he can make; nevertheless, by the continual repetition of these very impressions, man has lost that sense of the full awfulness of the sea which aboriginally belongs to it.

GRUNION:  Man, you are spoutin some heavy stuff.
Z:  There she blows!--there she blows! A hump like a snow-hill! It is Moby Dick!

Z:  From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee!

GRUNION:  Okay.  I'm outta here.

Z:  What?  You don't like Melville?

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

100 Bun Salute: Hot Dog Jenga

As most of you know, every year on the 4th of July I like to cook 100 hot dogs and harass my family and friends into eating as many of them as possible

Some call it sick, I call it patriotism.

This year everyone wanted to skip what they called "my sick tradition" on accounta it was gonna be "soooooo hot" and "hot dogs are gross", etc. but I was havin none of that commie whining.  Clearly as we have gotten older, hot dogs don't have the same appeal any more. I had to think of a more creative way to get people to eat them (cause I don't wanna be stuck with leftover hot dogs any more than the next guy).  I decided that making it into a game that adults like was the best way.

Wicked Witch of the West voice: Jenga.  Jenga will make them eat.....

Cookin 100 hot dogs aint that hard.  You get 100 dogs.

100 (or so) buns.

And you grill em till they're kinda hot.

JODONN:  I'm only drinking beer this year, so don't count on me to eat any.
GIBBY:  No problem, Osama!  I thought you were dead anyway!

RUSTY:  I'll eat some hot dogs Gibby.
GIBBY:  Thank you Rusty.  You are a patriot.  Please kill Osama Jodonn.

GRUNION:  I'm not eatin any meat tubes either.  Cheese dip is way better.

Z:  Whoa!  What's cheese dip?  How does it work?  Are you supposed to rub it on your nose first?

GRUNION:  Get away, Z.  You don't want any part of this.  You don't want to get addicted like me...

Inside, I had the Beez assemble the Jenga tower.  It didn't work as well as we thought it would (meat towers seldom do), but I thought it was...



Red glare-rockety!

Z:  Hey Grunion!  Check this out!

Z:  I've got this water pistol.  Fill it up so we can squirt everyone.
GRUNION:  Hold on.  This big wand thing is way better.  Watch me trick the fat guy.

Z:  Whoa!  Wait for me!

GRUNION:  Daddy!  Daddy!  Come over here Daddy!  That's it....closer...closer...HYA!
Gibby's note: You can just barely see my sunglasses...

At the end of the day, there were about 30 hot dogs left.  Dammit!  Oh well, there's always next year.

By the way, the clear winner this year was Daisy the Lab, who ate an estimated 12 hot dogs.  This estimate was based on the amount of hot dog parts she barfed up the next morning.