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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

7 Reasons Why D.C. Cab is Awesome

From time to time I break with the tradition of reporting on fries to offer you advice for living.  Get out your pad and pencil, kiddos cause this is one of those times. 

D.C. Cab was a film that I remember seeing in the theater.  It was heavily promoted, and I remember not technically being old enough to see it (cause it was rated R), but no one cared back then.  D.C. Cab is a terrible movie.  The plot is totally stupid, Irene Cara sings most of the soundtrack (and makes a cameo), and at least 80% of the dialogue makes no sense whatsoever.  Seriously, it's like they just let each of the actors ad lib the entire thing.  Typical 80's schlock.  That's why it's awesome.

You see children, they don't make movies like this anymore.  Movies that you saw with your friends that you didn't have to think about, be quiet during, or be "messagized" by.  Like I said, they just don't make movies like that anymore.  Here are the 7 specific reasons D.C. Cab rocks:

7. Detective Wojo from Barney Miller is in it.  Talk about a death rattle.  This guy was on Barney Miller from 1975-1982 and this was the first movie he was asked to make after the show ended.  Tragic.

6.  Gary Busey is in it-and he was crazy even back then.  A sample line by Gary's character: Bruce Lee ain't dead you know. They got him frozen in carbonite down under Chatsworth. They're gonna melt him down as soon as the economy gets better.  Bing-Bong!  Crazy!

5.  It was made in 1983, which was an awesome year cause Tokyo Disneyland opened, India won the cricket world cup, Reagan announced that GPS would become available for civilian use, Kiss appeared without makeup for the first time, The Red Hot Chili Peppers released their first album, we invaded Grenada, McDonald's introduced the McNugget, and the migration of the ARPANET to TCP/IP was officially completed (no idea).

4.  Mr. T is in it.  Hilariously showing how "in touch" Hollywood writers are, Mr. T's character convinces kids to stay away from a pimp/drug dealer by showing up IN A MUCH FLASHIER CAR.  Nice.  And realistic. 

3. A super-young Bill Maher is in it-AND he plays an activist!  He only has like 3 lines, but in the opening minutes he is shown protesting at the white house. Foreshadowing?

2.  The guy from My Bodyguard is in it (also an awesome movie).  Adam Baldwin (that's his name-no relation to the other Hollywood Baldwins) also went on to star as "Animal Mother" in Full Metal Jacket.  Ouch!

1.  I said, Mr. T is in it, fool!

Oh and by the way, Joel Schumacher directed it.  He also directed two of the Batman movies, St. Elmo's Fire, The Lost Boys, Falling Down, and A Time to Kill.   A little schizophrenic, no?

D.C. Cab-Find it.  Rent it.  Love it.


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