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Friday, May 16, 2014

The Lawn Taxi

GRUNION:  Yo, Z!  Come get in this wheely-bucket thing.  I'm a taxi.
Z:  Okey-dokey.

GRUNION: So, where are ya from?  What are ya doin here in the big city?
Z: Huh?  Oh...okay...we're doing that pretend thing.  I'm here on business and I'm kind of in a hurry so can you step on it-and don't take the cross town expressway.  I'm not some rube tourist!

GRUNION: Yes, sir. No problem. got any kids?
Z: *sigh  Look-I really don't want to talk-

GRUNION: Yeah.  I've got 4 kids myself.  The wife has to stay at home taking care of em and I never get to see em and I'm in this taxi all the time just tryin to make ends meet.
Z: Hmmm.

GRUNION:  My youngest two are....*sniff...kinda sick right now and I don't know how-
Z:  Hey man, I know you're just tryin to shine me up with this drivel to get a better tip but you should know that I don't tip so you can clam up.

GRUNION:  No tip?
Z:  Nope.

GRUNION:  Then you're outta here!
Z:  Whoa!

Z:  That was totally rad!  Let's do it again.  This time I'll be a bunch of drunk sorority girls!

Saturday, May 10, 2014

What's Up Sweden!

I was checking my stats for the report recently and noticed something kind of strange.  Apparently l have a ton of fans in Sweden!  I have not idea why, but I love Sweden so it's pretty cool.  Howdy Sweden!  What are fries like there?  I have no idea.

I googled "Swedish French Fries" and this is what came up:

What is that dude saying?  And why does it take that machine 8 minutes to cook some fries?  Any answers from my Swedish friends?

UPDATE:  Apparently I'm a big deal in Sweden.  Here are translations of some of the comments so far:

·         *Friend, you are a god in our country! Thanks for writing about the wonderful fried food in America.

·         *You are the fat man with the little boy child eating potato? We read that you are now in Jönköping! Very funny. We laugh heartily!

·         *Yes. There he is!

·        * I learned how to make potatoes from watching The Muppet Show

·       * Your articles makes wife happy laugh. -Bjorn Björnsen

Friday, May 9, 2014

The Taste

Googled restaurants in NWA recently and this one came up.  "The Taste"?  Seriously weird name, but they have fries....

It's been open a little over a year in a space in that plaza thingy at the corner of Crossover and 265 that used to be a Wing Stop.  I would describe the decor as "Club C2 meets a garage".  Wait....never mind (inside joke).  Hey!  There's Ed and Jack!

Two bucks for hand-cut fries?  Let's get this party started!

Jack told me to give extra points cause the ketchup was refrigerated (cool, but the bottle was for ants).  Phone banana for scale.

Oh.  Ma'am?  I think you gave me the child's portion.

Ma'am?  There's a WHOLE LOT of extra space on my plate...


With the exception of the fact that there must be a potato shortage on the East side of town, the fries are really good.  Crisp, natural, hot, fresh, perfectly seasoned, and tasty.

A closer look:

This is one of those times I'm conflicted.  The fries are really good.  And $2 would be a great price for these if the amount were increased by even 25%.  Alas, this is what I was served.  So.....7 out of 10.

Ed said his burger was real good...

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Grunion and Z Belly Up

At one of their favorite watering holes...

Z:  This is some strong lemonade, dude.
GRUNION:  Yeah, I know the girl that runs the joint so she hooked us up.

Z:  Wanna hear a joke?

Z:  A rabbit walks into a bar-
GRUNION: What's a bar?

Z:  A place where grown ups go to talk loud and yell at the TV.
GRUNION:  Oh.  But why do they go there?

Z:  Never mind that.  The rabbit walks into the bar and asks the bartender-
GRUNION:  What's a bartender?
Z:  Are you gonna interrupt me every five seconds?  The bartender runs the joint, okay?
GRUNION:  Got it.

Z:  So the rabbit walks into the bar and asks-
GRUNION: Wait.  There's rabbits in these bars?  Can we go to a bar and play with some rabbits?
Z:  No, it's just a joke that the rabbit-
GRUNION: And rabbits can talk?  I knew it!

Z:  Dude!  Forget all that and listen to the joke.
GRUNION: Okay, okay.
Z:  A rabbit walks into a bar and asks the bartender if they have any carrot cake.

Z:  The bartender says "no" and the rabbit leaves.  The next day, the rabbit comes back to the bar and asks the bartender again if they have any carrot cake.  The bartender says "no" again, so the rabbit leaves.
GRUNION: Man, I'm getting kinda of hungry.
Z:  The next day, the rabbit walks into the bar again and asks-
GRUNION: Whoa!  Look over there at those beautiful babies!  It's on, bro!
Z:  Whoa!  It's so on!

GRUNION: Is she looking at me now?
Z:  No.

GRUNION: How about now?  Is she looking?
Z: Nope.
Z: No.....wait.....she just looked.

GRUNION: Sweet.  Better go throw some dirt at her so she knows I'm looking to party.
Z: Solid move.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Ruffles Crispy Fries

Whilst strolling through the grocery picking up only healthy foods I noticed these.  REALLY?  What is it about the snack industry that they think they can just thumb their nose at the laws of physics?  Shelf-stable fries?  You all know I had to check em out.

The box has 5 snack-sized bags.  Interesting.

Uh-oh.  Strike one.  This is how many "fries" were in the bag.  Not an unknown issue for the chip industry, though.

Strike two was that none of the "fries" was longer than an inch or so.  They look like real fries...

The insides even look like real fries...

They feel like totally dried out McDonald's fries, and they taste like those super-skinny potato sticks you only eat like once a year.  Not altogether bad, but definitely not fry-like in any way.  Basically these are just thicker versions of potato sticks.  Which begs the question: "Why didn't anyone think of making them bigger before?"

The Grunion liked them anyway.

Not fries so no rating.