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Friday, October 20, 2017

Meatball Fail

One time in Florida I was at this Italian restaurant and I tried to eat this massive 1-pound meatball.

I failed.  Guess I'll stick with fries.

The End.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Mojo's Pints and Pies

When I was a young lad, there was a law in most states that prohibited pizza joints from having fries.  I think it was part of the same law that required all pizza places to have red checkered table cloths and crappy knives that can't actually cut pizza.  Also, there were no chicken wings allowed.

I'm pretty sure those laws are still in place, but it seems they are not being enforced anymore.  Behold Mojo's in Fayetteville.

Deck outside (too hot).

Big open room inside.

And fries on the menu!  Let's go.

 A word of caution.  When you order sauces they bring you roughly 40 ounces.  Very much.

Although the pizza at Mojo's is good, I must take a moment to recognize the wings.  They are fantastic.  In fact, I usually don't eat the pizza at all.  I just eat these wings.  REALLY good.  Try them.  Love them.

The Grunion usually sits under the table and steals wifi.  Pirate.

Okay, so $3.25 gets you this basket of fries.  Not a bad amount.

Fork for scale.

Super crispy, lightly-battered frozen variety.

Very nice.  Definitely worth a try, dear readers.

The Grunion decided that he had invented the best thing ever - Fry Pizza!

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's been done for centuries.  I just let him enjoy it.

Mojo's = DO IT!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

French Fry Health Issues is Fake News

Over the last couple of weeks a bunch of people are sharing this silly "story" about how fries are bad for you.  HERE's just one example.  The stories are all referencing this study by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.  

I'm here to tell you it's all a load of crap.

First of all, you can Google the dubious affiliations and paid-for "studies" that the AJCN has conducted over the years.  Also take a look at their editorial board - more than half of them have borderline conflict of interest corporate affiliations.

But we don't even have to get to how trustworthy the AJCN is at all.  We just have to read the study. Right of the bat, we notice that the study included consumption of fried AND UNFRIED POTATOES.  There is no information about how whether the fact that they were fried or not changed mortality (except when referencing a shadowy "subgroup").

Also, the participants in the study were all aged 45-79.  WHA?  How do we know what they were eating/snorting/drinking for the previous 45 years.  So stupid.

This dumb story and it's source study are fake news.  Move along, and enjoy your fries, dear readers.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Fado (again) - Austin, TX

I have visited Fado many times in the past.  Way longer than I have been "into" french fries.  Two things I learned on my most recent visit are that 1) there are many Fado pubs, and 2) one of them is in Abu Dhabi- where you have to own a personal liquor license to legally drink.  Seems like a problem for an Irish-themed pub.

Anyhoo, my buddy Jack was whining and complaining at me for like 2 solid hours about how hungry he was and how all he wanted was some tasty fries and could we please stop working for like 5 seconds and have some quick fries so I was finally all like "okay!  enough!  He is such a child sometimes.

Fado is so Irish.

We got the regular AND skillet fries (chips) on accounta we had just eaten lunch like 30 minutes prior.

I didn't remember that the regular fries came with all these fancy dipping sauces.  One was ketchup, but I think it was Irish ketchup cause it tasted boggy.  The other two were "Marie Rose" (never heard of her), and Guinness aioli.  Good, but too rich for my blood.

The skillet fries were legit.

A serious undertaking, especially in the middle of the day.

These are the kind of fries you have at the end of night, and go directly to sleepy time.  Incredible.

Jack finally shut up for a few seconds.

The price is kinda steep for em, but they are definitely worth it.  DO IT (again).

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Kooky Canuck - Memphis, TN

Got waylaid in Memphis on accounta a bad car engine thing and had to spend the night unexpectedly.  We decided to turn those lemons into french fries and started with this joint called Kooky Canuck.

The place hangs its Canadian hat on one of those huge burger challenges where if you eat it in an hour without barfing you get a free turtle, blah, blah, blah.  I did one of those once.  But they also have fries so yippie!.  The decor is lodgey.

With lots of dead (Canadian?) animals on the walls.

I expected poutine but I'm not a huge fan of it (too much going on that hides the fry experience) so I ordered a regular batch for appraisal.  They always say "Hand Cut".  Who's working at these places- Edward Scissorhands?  Also sweet potato fries =yuck.

While we waited, the Grunion gazed wistfully upon the boulevard and pined for his younger days as a wandering blues man.  Strumming out the pain of generations of migrant Pokemon hunters scarred by the battles they waged and the rare ones that got away.

$2.99 for this.


Real potatoes cut up and fried.  Couldn't tell if they were blanched first, but I doubt it.  Good though.  Not many limp ones.

All things considered, definitely a great fry experience for downtown Memphis.  Big dead moose head says DO IT.

But don't do this.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

P.Terry's - Austin TX

I guess P.Terry's is a big deal in Austin.  It's one of those Five Guys type places that's supposed to have incredible burgers.  There seem to be 3 or 4 of these chains now.  You know, the ones that store boxes of potatoes in the front dining area so you can see that they use actual potatoes to make the fries that they are necessarily famous for.  I wasn't expecting much from the fries, but I endure this torture for you, dear reader.

Here's the boxes of potatoes.  Sheesh.

$1.75 ain't bad.

It took a seriously long time to get the fries.  Like 10 minutes.  It was not packed so I don't know what was up.

Whoa.  Did not expect 1/4 inchers.

Very nice.  Not slimy or under cooked.

I was impressed.  Definitely worth it.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Valhalla - Austin TX

After years of being a scuzzy rock band person, you gain the innate ability to find the "off the beaten path" places. The cooler dives and joints that locals frequent and tourists know nothing about.  Valhalla is one of those places, even though it's smack dab in the middle of downtown Austin.  As luck would have it, Valhalla had just started serving food.  Lucky me!

The layout of this joint is ridiculous.  The whole front room is bisected by a round kinda tiki bar looking thing.  To get from one side to the other you have to go all the way around back through a scary tunnel.  More on that later.

Pinball machines and video games.  Nice.

Lots of cool mafia style tables.

And albums on the walls.


I asked the bartender (the only person working in the whole place) for some fries.  This is what he told me:
BARTENDER:  Okay, cool.  What you need to do is go down the back hallway around to the other side, find the staircase that curves up to the left, go to the top of the stairs and look for a small service window in the loft.  Tell the dude at the window I sent you.

WHA?  So I went down the scary tunnel....

Up the staircase....

Found the window....

And told the dude I wanted some fries.  There were actually two dudes on the kitchen, and they both looked pretty stoned.  I handed them my money.  He asked my name.  I told him Gibby.   Totally felt like a drug deal.

Back at the table, the ketchup provided did not instill confidence.

About 10 minutes later, a booming voice came over the sound system:

At no time was I told that I would need to return back to the scary window to retrieve my fries.  Crazy!  Anyhoo, these are the fries.

And they were......really good!

Crisp, hot, tasty.  I'll tell you what, some stoner metal guys know fries, yo!

Even with all the ordering/pick up weirdness the fries are totally worth it at Valhalla.  DO IT.

P.S.  Jack at most of them on accounta he said that was the only way to "get into Valhalla".