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Monday, November 29, 2010

The Grunion Reviews the Fries at La Huerta

La Huerta (on North College in Fayetteville) is a Gibby staple (for their fajita chicken nachos).  Unfortunately, they don't serve fries for adults.  However, they do serve fries for children and the Grunion was nice enough to provide the following review.

GRUNION:  After 4 straight days of poultry at the hands of Chachie, I'm really looking forward to these fries.

GRUNION:  The fries come with kiddie meals which include a hot dog, taco, or cheese burrito.  I told the waitress to just bring the fries.  I also had to tell her to stop touching my hair like five times.

GRUNION:  How long am I expected to wait?  Mmmm...chips....

GRUNION:  Little happy faces.  Isn't that cute.  Looks like they're tryin to hide something...

GRUNION:  Yup, as I suspected they're shaped like happy faces to distract from the taste.

GRUNION:  6 out of 10, but only cause they give a kid the equivalent of a hundred for only $1.25.

GRUNION:  Man, I shouldn't have gotten so stuffed on chips...

Chicken Wing Saturday

On LSU game day (two days after Thanksgiving with a fridge full of leftovers) I awoke to find that Chachie had ONCE AGAIN set up a poultry processing operation/hobo camp in my front yard.  And once again, he was drinking A LOT of Parrot Bay and cola.  I don't know who makes Parrot Bay, but they probably send Chachie a Christmas card every year.

GIBBY:  Um...hey Chachie, whatcha cooking today?
CHACHIE:  Wings, man.  I'm sick of turkey.
GIBBY:  But they're basically the same thi-oh never mind.

GIBBY:  What happened to this apron?
CHACHIE:  Caught fire cause it was defective.
GIBBY:  Were you wearing it when it caught fire?
GIBBY:  Mmmmkay.

Chachie planned on cooking OVER 100 wings for the six people who were coming to our house to watch the game.  I thought that we might be a little short food-wise, so I suggested to Chachie that we also cook an entire GIANT bag of fries as well just to be sure.  Chachie agreed. 

Sweet, delicious french fries.  How I adore thee.  Especially in disgustingly large amounts.

The wings were awesome.  The fries were awesome.  We also got some of that stuff that girls and rabbits eat so that we could negate all the calories.

After the game, the Grunion did a victory dance with some makeshift pom-poms and sang his rewrite of the Razorback fight song.

No nap time! No nap time! Hello Kitty, No need to change my diaper now!
Drink a beer. Glug! Glug!  Pet a deer.  Pet!  Pet!
Arkansas has football fields!
Count your toes, Hello Kitty almost finished,
It's almost time for ELMO!
And if I could spell Arkansas, I'd yell it know just because
It's fun to yell!

Victory: Razorbacks

Friday, November 26, 2010

Chachie vs. Turkeys 2010

I woke up on Thanksgiving morning and found that Chachie had erected some sort of hobo camp in my front yard.

GIBBY:  Uh, hey Chachie, whatcha got goin on here?
CHACHIE:  They're here.  Right now.  All around us.

It was clear that Chachie had been drinking lots of Parrot Bay & Coke (heavy coconut breath).  He gets pretty serious on Thanksgiving.  Notice how he wrote his name on his "Parrot Bay Drinkin Cup" so no one would try to "steal" it.

GIBBY:  Um......what are you talking about?
CHACHIE:  The turkeys.   The delicious turkeys. They're taunting us.  We have to eat them.

CHACHIE:  Don't worry.  I'll fry all those tasty bastards.

I took a shower and got dressed.  When I got to the kitchen, Chachie was preparing not one, not two, but THREE large turkeys for DEEP FRYING by injecting them with some liquid.  When I asked what was in the liquid, Chachie said "vitamins" and laughed evilly. 

The Grunion was up at this point and came to the kitchen gate to find out what was going on.
GRUNION:  What's up, pop?
GIBBY:  Uncle Chachie has gone turkey crazy.
GRUNION:  Sweet!  Can I help him fry the turkeys?
GIBBY:  No.  Go get dressed and wake up your mother.

Chachie dropped the first turkey in at 10am.

 It's really cool how the oil bubbles....

BIG DUMB GIBBY:  Is it hot?

After Amy put the burn cream on my hand I decided to stay away from the Parrot Bay Drinkin/Turkey Fryin Hobo Camp.  Chachie said it was his "contemplatin time" anyway.

I was only allowed back out to watch Chachie remove the first turkey.  With a puff of smoke, it appeared.

GRUNION:  Hey Chachie!  Do you need any help?  I can help!  I'm allowed in the front yard and I'm wearing my shoes and my mom said that I can walk out in the front yard and I can help if you want cause I'm really good at helping with stuff when I'm allowed to and I wouldn't get in the way or burn myself or knock anything over or anything if you let me come out there and just look at the turkey burning thing.....please?
CHACHIE:  You're too young kid.

Chachie kept deep frying turkeys all day.  It got to the point where there was no more room for turkeys on the counter.  I begged him to stop.  Finally, he got hungry and came inside to eat some of the turkey he had been frying.

JENKINS:  How's about slidin some of that bird my way?
CHACHIE:  No.  Go away or you will be deep fried.

JENKINS:  Oh, Chachie.  You will sleep after this.  And you will sleep with your mouth open.  And I will find your open mouth....

Fried turkey is the best turkey.  And Chachie is the best fried turkey fryer.  All hail Chachie.

Victory:  Chachie

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Chicken Tender Nut

Check out my friend Todd's chicken tender blog HERE.  This guy REALLY loves chicken tenders and he goes around doing reviews of the chicken tenders at different restaurants.  What a weirdo.  Takes all kinds, I guess...

Monday, November 22, 2010

Eddie Haskell's

Went to super-pricey Eddie Haskell's last weekend in that swanky faux-city area of Rogers right up the road from Pinnacle. I swear that group of buildings looks like a fake city set on one of the movie studio lots.  Anyhoo, we had to eat dinner at Eddie Haskell's cause the place we were going for Barnes' birthday party (McB's) is brand new and the waitress there told us that they didn't have food yet (we later found out that they did indeed have food, but the waitress is stupid).

As I waited for the fries, I ordered a Guinness. It arrived. No cloverleaf in the head. Boo. 1/2 a strike so far.
GIBBY: (to waitress)  Bartender can't do a clover, huh?
WAITRESS:  (blank stare)

GIBBY: (to waitress) How much is an order of fries?
WAITRESS: Ummmm. I think they're $3.25.
GIBBY: Dang! Are they worth it?
WAITRESS: Ummmm. I guess so.
GIBBY: Ummmm. Okay then.
The fries were listed as "beer-battered".  They looked really good, but tasted meh.  As I thought about it, the fries were like the faux-city buildings.  Looked good, but lacked substance.  Deep, huh?

I counted them.  63 fries!  WTF?  At $3.25 for 63 meh fries, that comes to 5.158 cents per meh fry.  WAY too much!

I wrote the price and how many there were on a napkin and took a picture so I wouldn't ever forget.  Boo.

Eddie Haskell's fries: 5 out of 10.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Wendy's Redemption

Incredible.  After 39 years of some of the crappiest fries in the business, Wendy's has finally gotten it right.  As you may or may not know, Wendy's recently decided to overhaul its menu to become more appealing to the discriminating fast-food palate.  One of the changes was to scrap the old fries and start serving fries that were actually made from potatoes that were dug out of the ground within the last century. 

As I cruised through the drive through at my local Wendy's, I have to say I was skeptical since their fries were SO BAD in the past.  But I am dumbfounded at the turnaround.

82 crisp, hot, perfectly-cooked, golden-brown fries for $2.10 (2.56 cents per fry).  Amazing.

Wendy's new fries bear a striking resemblance to the fries served by Hardees/Carl's Jr., but they are much better.  9 out of 10.  Bravo Wendy's!

The only question I have is what took Wendy's so long to realize their fries sucked so bad before now?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Grunion and Z Kill Time

Z: Hey, I got an idea!  I'll do scenes from famous movies and you try to guess the movie.

GRUNION:  Okay, but how bout we make it interesting?  For each one I guess right, you have to give me a hundred bucks, and for each one I get wrong you have to give me a hundred bucks.
Z:  Okay, but what's a hundred bucks?
GRUNION:  I don't know, but the food bringers think its good.  Go ahead.

Z: We're gonna need a bigger boat.

GRUNION:  Encino Man!
Z:  What? No, wrong! 
Z: Here's another one.  I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful force controlling everything.

GRUNION:  Son In Law! 
Z:  Wrong.  How about this one.  Don't you do it! Don't! You... I got nowhere else to go! I got nowhere else to go... I got nothin' else.

GRUNION:  In the Army Now!  
Z: Nope.  Here's a good one.  I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

GRUNION:  Jury Duty! 
Z:  No.  Wait a minute.  Are you just saying names of Pauly Shore movies? 
GRUNION:  I dunno.  Shut up and keep going! 
Z:  Uh...okay.  Here's one you should know.  You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here.

GRUNION:  Ooo!  Ooo!  I know this one!  Bio-Dome! 
Z:  What the?  Why are you only naming Pauly Shore mov- 
GRUNION:  Shhh.  Don't ruin the flow.  Do the next one.

Z:  You are so weird.  Okay, one last one.  I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope...

GRUNION:  Man, that was beautiful.  Give me a hug... 
Z:  Whoa!  Get off me dude!  And gimme my six hundred bucks!

GRUNION:  That last one was from Adopted right?