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Monday, June 28, 2010

Beez vs. The Grunion

Victory: Beez

The Magical Power of the JennyBurger

This past weekend, a three-person crew with hidden cameras surgically embedded in their nostrils captured the magical power and mystery of the JennyBurger on film for the first time ever.

Here we see (via the nostil-cam) the ingredients used.  Clearly there is some kind of meat, fairy dust, nitro-glycerin, and a yellow radioactive substance.

A close call!  One of the JennyBurger guards almost discovered the nostril cam!

Using titanium alloy gloves, the high priestess carefully mixes the components to activate the necessary fusion.

Ingredient decoys like this one were placed all around to confuse interlopers.

The resulting patties were placed in this nuclear device.

It was at this time that the JennyBurgers realized they were being photographed and summoned a violent storm.  From a previously clear blue sky, ominous and angry clouds descended upon the location.

Notice that the clouds were concentrated on the location-not over anything else.

After a short time, the high priestess presented the completed JennyBurgers.  Pure seduction!

This unwitting tourist from Chicago was overwhelmed by the JennyBurger's wiles and fell victim to its power.

Sadly, she could not be saved.  The JennyBurger takes all.


Chicken Wing Mastery

As a public service, here is a trick you can use to quickly debone chicken wings (the actual wings-not the drummies).

This part is stupid.  Break it off and discard it unless you are from Louisiana (in which case you would eat it and call everyone else wasteful).

Find where the two bone "nubs" are left over from where you removed the stupid part and place one of your thumbs against them both.

With your other hand, pinch down on the wing right below the socket/cartilage cluster at the other end of the wing (unless you are from Louisiana in which case you would eat the cartilage and sockets and call everyone else wasteful).

Pinching tightly on the socket/cartilage cluster end, push the bones up and pull them out the other side.

What you have left is all meat.  Pop it in your mouth and repeat.

If you can't figure it out from the pictures, I have posted a video HERE.
With this technique, you should be able to eat a wing every 10 seconds or so.  You are welcome.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Grunion vs. Gibby

Grunion: Hey dad, you may want to check my diaper.

Gibby: (off camera): Why?
Grunion: Cause I made a present for you.

Gibby: Is it gross?
Grunion: Maybe....

Gibby: Okay, let's just see what we have here.

Gibby:  Whoa!  That's nasty!

Grunion: Muhuhahahaha!
Gibby::  Oh man, I got some on my finger!  Aww, there's poo under my fingernail!  I hope I don't scratch my eye at some point and give myself a baby poo eye infection....

36 hours later:

Off to see Dr. Bill....

Gibby: Hey Annie, I got baby poo in my eye and now my eye-
Annie:  That's gross.  I don't want to see it.  Get away.

Gibby: What about you Noah?  Wanna see my baby poo eye?
Noah:  (Dog language) Woof.  That's nasty.  Got any dirty diapers on you?

Gibby: Hey Judy, I got-
Judy:  I heard.  Get away

Dr. Bill:  This is what we call a classic case of Bardus Novus Abbas.  Now I will stick a needle in your eye.

Victory: Grunion

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Iron Horse Coffee Company Celebrates Centennial

Open since 1910, the Iron Horse Coffee Company has been continuously serving up the best coffee, sandwiches, and t-shirts in all of Rogers.  Emery, the current owner took over the business from his father in 1914 and still manages the day-to-day operation-even at the ripe old age of 96!

Back when Emery took over the business, there was no running water, so he and his brothers had to travel by bicycle cart the 7 miles to dip their coffee-water buckets in the lake near Monte Ne.  No small feat in 12 inches of snow 6 months out of the year!

For coffee mugs they used hollowed-out cow femur bones, and for-
What are you doing?

I'm telling the wonderful story of-

Stop it.

But you gotta hook people in with a story about-

Shut up.  Tell them about breakfast.

Ok, but-

Tell them about the new shirts.

But I thought that-




Those of you who haven't been to IHCC (on 1st street in Rogers) in a while need to make plans to do so immediately.  You already know that Emery has the best coffee and lunch/dinner eats, but now he's serving breakfast as well (fanfare/cheers).

His sandwiches are still awesome, and of course his coffee is still the best in the state.  Incidentally, this one is called the "Arkansas Veggie" cause it has all veggies a little HAM AND BACON.

Emery also bought a silk screening machine recently (which looks like some sort of torture device) and is now personally making the IHCC shirts that he sells.

These are a few of the designs, but there are more coming.

 I put this challenge to everyone who lives in the area (or who will be visiting soon): over the next couple of weeks, take somebody to IHCC who has never been there before.  They will thank you.

By the way, Emery wanted me to include that the streets in downtown Rogers will be done by next week and they will be the prettiest streets in all of NWA and you would be doing yourself and your family-and maybe even your descendants a tremendous favor by seeing the new streets before the "newness" is all used up.

Oh, and also that they are open on weekends too.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Random Observations

Just some things for you to ponder today....

For those of you without children, this is a Bumbo seat.  It is designed to immobilize your baby while you feed it or perform some other activity that requires longer than 5 seconds. 

I am wondering if anyone else with children has experienced this embarrassing situation:

Perhaps the grunion is getting too big in the butt for the Bumbo.

Here is a sign we saw in a window in Branson that once and for all clearly explains what your face is (click on the pic to see the fine print):

I bought some flea/tick shampoo yesterday.  For Dogs AND CATS?  Ever try to wash a cat?

Lighting a match after you poo kills the smell instantly, yet there are thousands of candles that are supposed to mask the smell but don't.  This is 2010.  Why hasn't there been a candle invented that smells like matches?

Is it too early to start marketing the grunion's eventual backlash album against his being typecast as a pop star?