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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Senior Fry-Spy Outed!

As a result of a recent FOI Act request (and subsequent legal battle) the identity of my fry-spy known previously only as "Agent 4212343528348ghZ" has been publicly identified as JoDonn. Although the outing of his identity to the public will undoubtedly affect his ability to operate safely, he continues to gather intelligence. What follows is the harrowing (and lengthy) account of fry-spy JoDonn's recent westward exploration.

Been doing a little travel to review some stuff lately. I didn't want to travel, but I felt it was my duty since Gibby's been trying to get attention by attempting to remove his fingers. Anyway, we flew into LAX the other day and got attacked by papparazzi at the baggage carousel.  Actually they were there for Kristen Bell. She caught the flight from DFW with us to LA and was mobbed when she got off the plane. I was obliviously standing next to her the whole time so I'm probably in a few photos.  Gibby's note:  This kind of irresponsible and reckless disregard for security is probably how his identity became compromised in the first place.

Anyhoo, we were of course starved and I picked Pinks hot dogs.

There was a really long line (as usual) and it was pretty stinking hot that day but it was worth it.

This place is just as famous for its guests as it is for its hot dogs. Many of the dogs are named after famous people.  Like The Ozzy Spicy Dog!

There are signed autographs of all kinds of stars on the walls. I even found one of Gibby's all-time favorite artist-Lionel Ritchie! Gibby's note:  In fact, my favorite artist of all time is Uriah Heep.

I had a bacon chili cheese dog AND the pastrami reuben dog. Both were a solid 9.

I knew I couldn't eat anything else, but out of respect for the Gibster I got an order of the nacho chili cheese fries. This thing must have weighed 4lbs. It was massive! Again, a 9 (if only for the experience).

Pinks isn't the greatest dog I've ever had, but it may seem that way to a lot of the people who go there because THERE'S A MEDICAL MARIJUANA CLINIC LIKE 10 FEET FROM IT!.

Our next stop was Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.

I had the #9, which was two breasts and two waffles.

This was more than enough food for one guy, but I went ahead and pushed it with the fry special they had going- a MOUNTAIN of chili cheese fries "as a side". Little did I know that this was a meal for about 6.

The chicken was a 9 and the waffles and fries were 10's.Our server Jackye seemed friendly, but we suspected that she suspected that we were with a secret fry-rating organization.

Our suspicions were confirmed because before long, we began getting surrounded by fry-spy counter intelligence agents.  We threw a stun grenade and boarded the emergency dust-off helicopter on the roof to the airfield, narrowly making it to our spy jet before we were compromised. 

We flew across country to my favorite hotdog joint of all time-Curtis' Famous Weiners in Cumberland, MD. 

I first gathered intelligence on this place when I was four years old. Anytime I'm in MD I stop in to make sure they're still fighting communism with great chili dogs and chocolate milk. I know that I will probably be flogged with leftover linguine for it,  but I did not order the fries. I apologize, but you don't go to Coney Island for fries, you go there for dogs and chocolate milk. Gibby's note:  JoDonn was indeed flogged with leftover linguine for his insolence.

As usual, I started out with two dogs "all the way" with a chocolate milk.  Also as usual, I ordered two more dogs "for the road".

All the way dogs consist of a brown mustard, a top-secret recipe homemade chili (referred to as "sauce" by the natives), and some of the most bitter diced onions you will ever taste.  All on a steamed bun with a small wiener.  Heh heh.  Small wiener.  This place gets as high a 10 as Gibby will allow.  Gibby's note:  Insolent non-fry ordering agents are not allowed to bestow 10s.  JoDonn will be flogged again.

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