Smart Fries!

Scientists have been searching for a super-drug to make people smarter for centuries.  There have been countless examples of chemicals, plants, herbs, spices, foods, devices, techniques, and diets that are supposed to make you smarter.

They have all been foolish tragedies.

On a recent trip to Rhode Island, I discovered the secret to unlimited smartness:
SMART FRIES

Who would have guessed that for just two dollars paid at the dirtiest discount store I have ever seen I could gain so much?  And look at all these benefits!

 

Let's have a look in the bag.  That's a crapload for two dollars!

Hmmm.

Strange disease-like texture.  Warts?  Well, they never said self-improvement was easy.

They taste really bad.  Like, disgusting bad.  But maybe my yet-unevolved brain doesn't recognize the taste as good yet.  Maybe after I eat the whole bag my smartness will make me understand that the disgusting texture and gross taste is the embodiment of total intellectual enlightenment.

I ate the whole bag and waited.  I wonder how long it will take until I'm smart.