Why Do They Do This?

Got these in a gas station on the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

I thought to myself, "I love cheese fries!". 

The picture on the package is of fries with cheese on them. Also the picture shows little bits of green stuff on them. Healthy!

Look at all these convincing words!

So...umm...

There was nothing about these things that even remotely resembled the taste of cheese fries. Which is a pretty astounding feat considering they are made from the main ingredient of fries. These were so meh that I needed to invent a new word that means that something is so bland that it transcends total suckage and dimensionally shifts into a whole other realm of meh-ness.

So I dub these PUH

DO NOT DO

Searcy is B-A-N-A-B-A-N-A-N-A-S

The secret is out that America is kinda nuts. I'm not sure everyone knows how nuts, but this post should seal the deal. Searcy, Arkansas is a tiny college town located pretty much in the middle of the state. It's got about 20,000 residents and no reason whatsoever to have what I am about to show you. I was there for a work thing a few months back and it took me this long to recover from it to be able to write this.

Rock House is a rock & roll themed joint located in what I guess is the hot part of town on accounta it's next to the Zaxby's (and also it's a block from one of the colleges).

The interior is sparsely decorated with rock & roll type stuff and they have cutesy names for their menu items.

But I had been tipped off by one of my fry spies that the whole reason to go to this joint was the ROCKSTAR FRIES. My fry spy Brad assured me that they were large and good. Normally when I see this kind of price I am in a hipstery part of a huge city so this was intriguing.

I had to sit at the bar on accounta the place was packed. When I said I wanted the Rockstar Fries the bartender chick said "You know those are huge, dude." And I said, "Okay I better just have water with them then." Then this happened:

The pictures will not really show the sheer stupidity of this tractor-trailer hubcap full of fries, chili, cheese, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It was hard to take clear photos because my hands were shaking so bad.

At the middle, the monstrosity was about 4 inches deep. Total madness. Everyone in the bar saw me alone trying to tackle this thing and gave me disapproving looks. 

I ate about 10% of this thing and asked a roving busboy for some to go boxes cause I wanted people to think I was taking it home to my family of 12. It filled 2 boxes fully to the top.

The best part of the experience was that the original bar chick was off doing something and didn't see me load it all into the boxes. And by the time she got back I had placed the boxes on the bar stool next to me where she couldn't see them. When se came back and saw the empty tray her eyes bugged out of her head. "Holy shit did you eat all of that?", she said. "Yeah I did....can you call me an ambulance?", I replied.

Rockstar Fries = DO IT (with 10 friends)