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Monday, May 30, 2011

Death By Porch: Part One

Ah, Memorial Day weekend.  A 3-day chance to remember those who have left this world and relax with family, friends, and-


GIBBY:  Mmmm...what..who?
CHACHIE:  C'mon dude!  We're building a porch on the front of your house.
GIBBY:  Huh?  Why would we-whoa!  What's that?
CHACHIE:  A tiller, dude.  We're gonna be doin some tillin.
GIBBY:  Do I get to run the-
GIBBY:  Can I touch-
GIBBY:  Can I help you push it around the-
CHACHIE:  No.  Just get your wallet.  We're gonna need a few hundred dollars worth of stuff from Home Depot..

$237 later we had a bunch of rocks.

Apparently to build a porch you first have to prepare the ground (for drainage, levelness, and other stuff I don't know anything about).  It's a lot of hard work.  First you have to build a metal frame in the ground to keep the area secure.  Here's me helping Chachie do that:

This is the metal frame thingy.  There also used to be a bunch of trees and shrubs and stuff on this ground but I guess Chachie made them disappear at some point (I don't notice lawn-type action).

Here's me helping till the ground:

The Grunion was eager to help, but this was man's work.
GRUNION:  Hey!  You guys need any help?  I can help!  I can run that loud pushy-thingy!  I can put those rocks in the right places!  Lemme outta this cage and I can help!  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?

Here's me helping "tamp" the ground.

1.4 million rocks later this is what we had accomplished.  I would like to note that the entire process took 6 hours cause Chachie had to basically rebuild the tiller he borrowed from Tom.  Tom has no comment.

GRUNION:  Wow.  You guys are geniuses.  I coulda done this way better.

What followed the next day for me was unbearable soreness and sunburn.  Chachie says we'll build the actual porch next Sunday.  Dammit!  On the bright side I lost 4 pounds and I am now 6 hours workplace injury-free!

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