The Grunion and Z recently served me with a formal grievance document with 114 individual areas of concern. Concern #54 specifically noted that they felt "underrepresented with respect to matters regarding the disposition and subsequent promotion/publishing of accurate french fry data." The following review created by the Grunion and Z is the result of legally binding arbitration and in no way reflects the views, attitude, beliefs, and/or opinions of Gibby. I was, however, legally obligated to supply them with the fries for this endeavor.
Z: Okay, so we've got fries from three places to review today. Let's start with McD's. Good presentation, good color, relatively hot.
Z: Nice length, good consistency of product throughout.
Z: Ah, yes. A balanced bouquet, with broad character and depth that begins alkaline but finishes strong with a salty effervescence.
GRUNION: These are good. Next!
Z: Let's see. Wendy's fries next. Whoa! This is huge! Why didn't the fat man get us large orders of all of them?
Z: The package says natural cut with sea salt. Hmmm. Meh. I find these fries to be undercooked and unmotivated. Pedestrian in taste and presentation. Fie!
GRUNION: Ummm...let's see...I think that these fries are like...stupid or something. But good. Cause there's a lot of em. So...stupid but good.
GRUNION: Check out these Spider Man fries from Hardees! They taste all spidery!
GRUNION: If I was Spider Man, I would use my web shooting thingys to get fries all the time.
Z: Hey, that reminds me. How can you spot a hipster spider?
Z: He doesn't have a web, he has a website! Get it?
Z: Hello? Grunion? Do you get it? Where are you going?
***Several dozen fries later***
Z: Oh man, my stomach is killing me!
JET the DOG: Does that mean you're done with that fry in your hand?
Z: Ohhhhhhhh...my stomach! I'm soooo full!
GRUNION: Full? What does that word mean? Wanna file a grievance for ice cream?