The Rathskeller - WE HAVE A NEW LEADER!

On a rainy day during a recent trip to Rhode Island we decided to visit the Rathskeller in Charlestown, RI.  The place used to be a speakeasy back during prohibition, and they list their fries as the first thing on their menu so I figured they were a good bet.

It's off the beaten path for sure, but in Rhode Island that's relative cause you can cross the state diagonally by car in like 18 minutes.  During the summer they have a big tent out back for volleyball and that bean bag throw game with 20 names (baggo?  cornhole?).

And also they fry stuff out there.  Good form!

The big door.

The bar.

The dining room.  Did I mention we got there at 11:00 right when they opened?

They have all these 1920s/30s "speakeasy" type paintings on the walls.

Cool.

I ordered one of each type of fries.  I was SO EXCITED.

I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it sure wasn't this.

FRY NIRVANA.  I should note that I ordered the "large" regular fries, but "small" everything else.

The regular fries were fresh cut, and fried crispy and perfect.

$6.95 is kinda steep, but not when the portion will feed a whole rugby team.  My brother was disgusted (but also kinda impressed).

Regular Large Fries with kid hand for scale.

The "loaded" ones were pretty standard as far as ingredients, but those ingredients were high quality so it made a big difference.  Plus there was green stuff so I probably lost some weight while I was eating em.

The truffled pecorino fries were madness incarnate.

So good I almost ruptured my stomach trying to get more in.

And the short rib gravy fries?  More like "Giant Pile of Fries with Savory Gravy and GIANT CHUNKS of RIBS".

Can you see the steam coming off this chunk of rib?

The Grunion and Amy gave the fries a huge thumbs up.

And then the Grunion made himself sick by eating so many.

Here's some further madness.  This is what we took home.  Three giant takeout boxes.  Martini glass for scale.

And it wasn't like these boxes weren't full.

Cousin Lacy thought I was weird for liking fries so much.  She's right.

So here's the thing.  The Rathskeller has the fry thing down like four flat tires.  They make everyone else look like amateurs.  If you ever travel anywhere even close to Rhode Island, you will ruin the rest of your life if you don't go there and eat the fries.
  Regular: 10 out of 10
  Loaded:  10 out of 10
  Truffled Pecorino:  10 out of 10
  Short Rib Gravy:  10 out of 10 

The Grunion Vs. Dunkin Donuts

GRUNION:  Hmmm.  A chocolate donut.  Let's have a taste.

GRUNION:  My stars!  What a delicious....nom  nom  nom

GRUNION:  I don't believe I've ever tasted something so....nom

GRUNION:  I probably won't be able to finish this thing.

GRUNION: Okay, I'm gonna go lie down now.

Victory: Dunkin Donuts

East Matunuck State Beach

I've been going to Matunuck, RI since I was a little kid. They recently built this fancy new pavilion with a huge snack bar, so I hopped a flight to RI to check out the fries (I got mad funds, yo).

As far as beach pavilions go, I think this one if pretty good.  It's huge and has all the stuff a beach pavilion is supposed to have (I guess).

Nice view.

And fries.  As always, you have to consider the location/situation price-wise, so $3.75 doesn't seem so bad.

This is what $3.75 got me.

It took forever cause they cooked em right then so they were hot, but not totally crispy.

Good amount, but lacked much taste.  6 out of 10.

On the way to the pavilion, the Grunion got in HUGE TROUBLE for freaking out for no reason and running away 150 yards down the beach.  I actually had to run to catch him.  So I told him he would not be getting ice cream at the pavilion.  He was sad.

Very sad.

So sad it broke my heart so I gave him ice cream anyway.  Don't tell his mom.

And then he was happy.  Did I get scammed?

Champlin's Seafood Deck

We've been to Champlin's countless times, but it never occurred to me to do a fry review cause I am usually elbow deep in lobster shell when I'm there.

Obviously the place is known for seafood (not fries).  Not a bad view either.

The Fries are $2.99 and this is what you get:

They were undercooked-just on the verge of soggy.  No bueno!

They made the Grunion so depressed he wrote a haiku.
GRUNION:  Soggy fry basket
                    Only chocolate milk can
                    Make me feel better

Go to Champlin's for the seafood and skip the fries.
4 out of 10 (but only for the view).

Mews Tavern - Wakefield RI

Mews Tavern (aka "The Mews") has been around since 1947 when it started out as a bar for fishermen.  It's kinda become a hybrid old person early/college kid late kinda joint now, and they have fries.

It's been built onto so many times it has a Swiss Family Robinson kinda feel to it, with lots of different levels and rooms.  If you've ever been to the Rainbow in L.A. you know what it's like.

The menu is crazy.  They have everything.  Fries?
GIBBY:  We'll have a basket of the regular, a basket of the Rosemary-Parmesan, and-
WAITRESS:  Whoa...sir...*condescending chuckle...the baskets here are like, really big and they'll feed like 4 or 5 people so...
GIBBY:  *long pause....*stern look...We'll have a basket of the Regular, a basket of the Rosemary-Parmesan, and a basket of the Curly Fries.
GRUNION:  And a grilled cheese sandwich WITH FRIES!

The "regulars".  Pretty tame.  Couldn't tell what brand they were, but they were the faux-skin-on frozen baggers.  Not too bad, not too good.

The curly fries were curly and fried.  Better than average, but not by much.

Uncle Ducky was perplexed by their spurious nature because apparently he has never had them before.
UNCLE DUCKY:  What are these?  Onion rings or fries?  Trickery!

The Grunion rejected the curly fries as well.

The Rosemary Paremesan fries are a joke.  And by "joke" I mean a terrible travesty.  They are just the regular fries with some lame shaker tube Parmesan cheese mixed with a microscopic amount of rosemary dumped on them.  Boo.

Overall, the fries at the Mews are meh.
  Regular: 6 out of 10
  Curly Fries: 6 out of 10
  R/P Fries: 2 out of 10 for trickery

But they get extra points for the cool "got beer/need beer" signs that the wait staff see like a hawk when you are running low.   Go to the Mews if you get the chance, but just get one basket of the regular fries.