Gibby's French Fries

A new fry spy up North (not Nelson B.) has sent a report in about...wait for it......Gibby's French Fries!  Apparently there is a carny trailer that cruises around Michigan serving up what my new fry spy says is dope fries.  Check out his report:

Like you I'm usually not be a big fan of the fresh cut french fries.  However, Gibby's is one major exception to that rule!  Although fresh cut, their fries have a nice crunch and great real potato flavor.  The other nice thing about Gibby's french fries is that they are always fresh and super hot (almost dangerously sometimes).  This is because there is always a line in front of Gibby's so the fries go straight from the fryer to your container.  In fact, the freshness of the fries coupled with the speed at which they get eaten makes me realize that I don't think I've ever had a non scorching-hot fry from Gibby's!  Finally, the last good thing about Gibby's is the quantity.  A small container is much more than an extra large from most fast food restaurants (I know the picture doesn't show this as I forgot to take one until at least halfway in- what can I say, I was excited!).  Basically when you get fries from Gibby's you may leave wanting more, but it definitely isn't because you're still hungry!

I believe you can get Gibby's fries with cheese, chili and maybe gravy, but I know little of these things as to me there is only one way to eat them:  drenched in vinegar with copious quantities of salt dumped on top.  Healthy?  Probably not.  Delicious?  Absolutely!

I am tempted to give Gibby's fries a perfect rating, but when you give a "10" to something you're saying that there is no possible way that it could be any better.  While I love Gibby's fries and can't see any room for improvement, I'm not willing to go quite that far.  Who knows what the future of frydom holds?  (9.5/10)

Death By Porch: Part Two

A few weeks ago, we prepared the foundation for what would eventually be a porch (or "deck" as Amy calls it).  I was instrumental in the efforts (evidenced HERE), but it almost killed me AND just the rocks and dirt cost $300.  We needed a few more weeks to recover and save up the money to actually build the porch/deck, but thanks to an anonymous donation from a generous anonymous mystery enigma person (not a close family member(s) or possibly blood relative) we suddenly had the funds to complete the porch/deck.

Chachie was elated.  So much so that the very next day after the anonymous donation arrived he was on my front lawn at 7 a.m.

With a bunch of extremely heavy wood.

And a whole truck tailgate full of dangerous power tools and pointy tetanus-causing metal objects.

GIBBY:  I should probably do most of the work with the power tool-

CHACHIE:  No.

The first thing you do when building a porch/deck is make a square frame out of 600 pound pieces of wood (or "lumber" as the guys with big workboots call it).

After you make the frame, you measure the diagonal length no less than 40 times to make sure it is "square".

GRUNION:  Hey guys!  I see you're building something!  Do you want me to help?  I can lift really heavy stuff cause here in the house I lift heavy stuff all the time and I can also push stuff a long way and if you just let me come out there I can help with whatever it is that you're building.  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?  Guys?  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!

JENKINS:  Give it a rest, kid.  You're disturbing hour 16 of my daily nap.  Editor's note: Jenkins slept on the cab of Chachie's truck the whole time we were running the saw and the air compressor.

After you build the frame, you use an "air hammer" to shoot giant nails effortlessly into some more 600 pound pieces of "lumber" to create the "joists?" and hopefully increase the frame weight to 9000 pounds.

Naturally I was not allowed to touch the air hammer, so I held the nails for Chachie.  I would like to note that I did not cut myself on a single nail.

And then you measure that 40 more times.  Seriously, what's with all the measuring?

GRUNION:  Hey guys!  Do you need my help now?  I know how to work this loud spinny thing if you want me to!

GRUNION:  And I also know how to drive from watchin TV so I could go to the store if you guys need something like more pointy metal things or some sippy drinks or some food or something.  Guys?  Guys? Guys?  Guys?  Guys?

After the frame is built, you throw all the 200 pound "deck boards" on top of the frame and Chachie drills 126 screws into each deck board.  Naturally I was not allowed to touch the drill, so I held the screws for Chachie.  I would like to point out that I did not cut myself on a single screw.

When all 16, 284 deck screws are in place, this is what you end up with.  Pretty nice, eh?

GRUNION:  Meh.  I would have made it bi-level with routered edges, portico railings, an integrated bench, and a few staircases.

As the sun was setting, we all sat on our new deck with a few beers and listened to Chachie play songs by Cinderella, Tesla, and Howard Jones.

P.S.  Thanks Mom and Dad (for a totally unrelated thing).

Paul Summerlin for Grunion Wheat

PAUL:  Hello, I'm Paul Summerlin and I'm here to tell you about an exciting new beer that I love.  When I'm on tour with Seal, or REO Speedwagon, or with my Dexie's Midnight Runners tribute band Paulie's Noontime Walkers, I need a good beer to relax after a hard day of bending strange devices.

PAUL:  The FBC's Grunion Wheat IS that beer.  Grunion Wheat's foamy sweet head, hoppy midsection, and citrusy finish leave me feelin fine-and I know it will leave you feelin fine too.

PAUL:  Mmmmm.  Mmmmmm.  Oh, mmmmmmm.  Mmmmmmm.  Mmmmmmm.  Mmmmmmm.

JINGLE:  Grunion Wheat, is super-sweet, until you get to the middle and the end!

The Grunion Rocks the Windjammer Lounge

The Grunion's Reality:

GRUNION:  Hey everybody!  I want to welcome you to the Windjammer lounge here on the Royal Caribbean cruise ship Dynasty of the Seas!  I'm  Lloyd Lindstroth Jr. and I'm here to rock you into the night!

GRUNION:  I remember when rock was young, me and suzy had so much fun...

GRUNION:  Thank you, thank you!  Do we have any birthdays or anniversaries here tonight?

GRUNION:  I'd like to bring the room down for a minute.  Love on the rocks, ain't no big surprise.  Just pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies.

GRUNION:  Thank you, thank you.  What's that?  Another request for Piano Man?

Our Reality:

P.S.:  The Grunion played for 45 minutes.....

Z Uses His Mind Powers at Jose's

CINDY:  What are you doing sweetheart?
Z:  I'm using my psychic powers to refill this milk bottle.

Z:  Mmmmm.....fiiiiiiiillllll uuuuppppp....

Z:  Hmm. That's odd.  I think I may have been using the wrong psychic code.
CINDY:  What "code" do you think you were using?

Z:  I might have been using the code that summons creepy guys.

Z:  Is there a creepy guy behind me staring at me now?

The Grunion's First Fla-Vor-Ice

AMY:  Hey Grunion, wanna try this frozen thing?
GRUNION:  What's this?  I'm not usually allowed to eat blue things.

***chomp***

***slurp***

63 seconds later...

GRUNION:  Is my tongue blue?
AMY:  Yup.

GRUNION:  Thank you ever so much dear mummy!  I did so much enjoy that thoughtful treat.  May I inquire as to the possibility of securing another one?
AMY:  No dice.

The Grunion vs. La Huerta

WAITER:  Here you go, Mr. Grunion.  Hot plate!
GRUNION: What's he talkin about "hot plate"?

***Grunion touches plate***

GRUNION:  DAMN YOU HOT PLATE!

Victory:  Hot Plate

Ed Walker's: Revisited

On the way back from a recent trip to Hot Springs, Amy and I decided to stop in the fort and see how Ed Walker's was doin.  For those of you who haven't dug through the archives, I have been there a few times already.  This trip was not about the giant burger challenge, though.  It was about fries.  I realized I had never actually rated the fries before, and I thought it was high time I did.

Holy crap!  Gravy fries AND curly fries AND regular french fries AND tator tots?

GIBBY:  Honey........there's a whole bunch of kinds of fries and I think it would be irresponsible to not try at least 4 of them.
AMY:  Uh.....okay.

GIBBY:  Sweet!  We'll have the gravy fries, the curly fries, the tator tots, and the regular fries.
AMY:  Um...hooray?

While we were waiting, I noticed this article framed on the wall.  Ed Walker INVENTED the french dip sandwich???  Not according to Wikipedia!

The gravy fries were cool.  Peppery gravy on frozen bag fries.  7 out of 10.

The curly fries were the best.  Crisp, savory, and huge.  8 out of 10.

I didn't take a picture of the tator tots or the regular fries cause they sucked.  5 out of 10.  When I wasn't paying attention, Amy ordered onion rings!  Gross.  I don't know if they were any good cause onion rings are stupid.

Ozark Bowling Lanes: Who Knew?

As most of you know, I am no fan of fresh-cut fries.  Primarily because no one seems to have any interest in serving them hot or crisp.  I am sure I have made my position on fresh cut fries clear in the past.  Example 1.  Example 2.  Example 3.

But lo, as Abraham said to Cain on Mount Arrarat over 40 years ago, "You know not what you do, so you better check yourself before you wreck yourself."  Today I went to the Ozark Bowling Lanes (cafe?), formerly known as Pete's.

The decor is the same as 20 years ago, and I'm pretty sure the waitress was the same one that served me the last time I went there (20 years ago).  My buddy Jack knew that they were "the home of the $4.99 burger basket", so we hadda go there for lunch.

$2 for an order of about 36 fresh-cut fries.

I tried one cautiously, expecting slimyness.  But NO!  These fries were crisp!  These fries were tasty!  These fries were...dare I say......good!

FINALLY, someone in town is doing a great version of these kinds of fries.  OBL....who woulda guessed?

9 out of 10.