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Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Grunion vs. Christmas 2010

The Grunion was 2 months old when Christmas came around last year, so we didn't have much of a celebration.  This year, the Grunion had been doing what he called "research" online about Christmas and subsequently demanded to know what it was all about.  I don't know what kind of "research" the kid was doing, but he seemed to have it all wrong.

GRUNION:  Hey Dad!  Chachie's on the front lawn doing that thing where he tries to burn the house down!  Is that a legitimate Christmas activity?

CHACHIE:  Chicken wings were a part of the very first Christmas.  The three wise men brought the baby Jesus gold, frankincense, myrrh, and chicken wings.  Learn your history, kid.

GRUNION:  I read online that we're supposed to totally DESECRATE the tree with stuff before we light it on fire.  I'll sacrifice my elephant bath toy to the tree cause he's been insolent lately.

We had a small get-together at our house on Christmas eve and the Grunion opened a bunch of presents. 
GRUNION:  So lemme get this straight, you want me to rip up all this stuff?
AMY:  Well,  you're supposed to just rip off the paper to see what's inside.

GRUNION:  Hmmm.  But I'm not normally allowed to rip the paper off stuff.  Seems like some inconsistent parenting if ya ask me.

GRUNION:  Sweet!  A noisy thing to annoy mommy and daddy over and over and over and over and over.

GIBBY:  Jenkins!  Bad kitty!  You are not allowed to rummage around under the tree!

JENKINS:    How bout now?

LORETTA:  Look!  I'm a present too!  Look at me!  Look at me!
GIBBY:  Loretta, have you been saving that box since 2007?

On Christmas morning the Grunion opened more presents.
GRUNION:  How did the fat guy in the politically incorrect fur suit get in the house?  We don't have a fireplace-and I saw you lock up the joint last night.
GIBBY:  Never mind that, just open some presents.
GRUNION:  Here we go again with the paper hypocrisy.  These are wrapped really well, though.

The Grunion tracked down two empty microwave popcorn boxes (that originally contained gift certificates) and played with them non-stop for 4 hours.  He wanted me to note that it's particularly fun to bang the boxes against the strings of the guitar.  For 20 minutes.  And scream at the same time.

By mid-morning the Grunion was surrounded by gifts.

GRUNION: I think I've got this Christmas thing figured out.

GRUNION:  It seems to me that Christmas is about giving.
GIBBY:  That's very insightful and-

GRUNION:  Giving presents to me.

GRUNION:  Toys, boxes, noisy things, food.  All for me.  All mine. Muhu ha ha ha ha ha

Victory:  The Grunion?

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